Found Domain Maximus, after a long time. Yes, it’s THE very same author who crafted, “Travails of Single South Indian Men”. I remember, few years ago, receiving this piece over email half a dozen times, in a matter of few days. Good stuff!
And now, Sidin Sunny Vadukut does a different take on market research…
The young manager’s ready reckoner on market research.
And, another one about “Collating customer responses pre-launch”. Excerpts…
I am sure all of us have at some point in our lives been accosted by a researcher hanging around a supermarket or an ATM. “Just two minutes of your time, sir. Just need to know your opinion about a new product. Only two minutes.” When we impatiently nod our heads in agreement, little do we know that we will soon be engulfed in a vile quagmire of scales and rankings and percentages and lists. But, of course, this thoroughness is very important for the success of the research exercise.
Researcher: “So what is the probability of you buying this product if it is launched?”
Respondent: “I don’t know, I guess… “
Researcher: “No sir you will need to answer it as very sure, slightly very sure, sure, moderately sure, a little bit less than moderately sure, almost unsure, very close to unsure, bordering on unsure, on the very limit of not being unsure, unsure, wavering on the verge of negativity, the verge of nega… “
Respondent: “!@#$ #(**#!@#$&&#**$”
Researcher: “I will mark that as hesitant”
Then, of course, there is the focus group. This is my personal favourite.
Here, they go out and pick a bunch of relevant consumers off the street and ask them to assemble in a room and discuss the concept. The proceedings are recorded for later scrutiny.
Moderator: “Mr Malhotra, what do you think of our latest product offerings?”
Malhotra: “What is the product? I was only told it would be relevant to me.”
Moderator: “Oh! Err… women’s sheer nightwear… must be some mistake… “
Malhotra: “What are you saying? No mistake at all.”
Mr Fernandes (another member of the group): “Yes. Yes. Where are the samples?”
There are other methods like test marketing, one-to-one interviews, demonstrations, telephonic interviews, online questionnaires, and so on, all meant to capture that valuable consumer perception.
After all this data collection, the agency tries to look for insights in the observations. They correlate data, make graphs and charts, and finally prepare a report that distils all the learning into one big PowerPoint presentation that will tell the client what they need to do with the product.
Researcher: “… so in short, if you launch this project your company is doomed, you will have to lay off all your employees and your brand image will be destroyed forever.” — the `Thank You’ slide shows up on the screen — “Questions?”
